It's the last day in the office for two weeks, dear reader - and time for a party!!
Xmas is the season for...
- Surviving mainly on a diet of chocolate-based foodstuffs.
- Drinking with people who you don't really give a shit about and, if you didn't work with them, would probably never speak to in your entire life.
- Gritting your teeth at the utter shit you have to endure in every shop you enter: vast queues of halfwits, seasonal staff who couldn't tie their own shoelaces without a diagram, crap produce at twice normal price because it's in a box with some holly on it, and endless banal "festive" muzak like Wings, Shaky, Mariah. And knowing that once the Boxing Day sales start, everything you've bought will be half price.
- Boring people not getting any more interesting because they have an "amusing" jumper with reindeer on it.
- Dogs - even tramp dogs - with pullovers and reindeer antlers on.
- Annual reunion parties at which everyone spends the first hour talking about their latest ailments.
- Utter bollocks "stocking filler" gifts like inflatable hipster beards, "poo-ing reindeer" jellybean dispensers, retro games ("Jacks", Mah-Jong, Rubik's cubes, etc) that nobody understands or can be bothered to read the instructions, or comedy socks or mugs.
- Observing that everyone you speak to has a little twinkly bit of glitter somewhere on their face/hand/frock from opening a cheap card.
- Trying to find an intelligent television programme amongst the "Christmas Specials".
- Trying to find a radio station that isn't playing carols, Slade or any kind of Xmas music at all.
- And...
...doing the hand movements to YMCA!
Thank Disco It's (Festive) Friday!
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