Vacuum Thoughts
I was vacuuming the floor the other day and I got to thinking.
Some people read a book and the mind gets stimulated, for me the gray matter kicks in when doing mundane things.
It kicks in a lot.
Why does the vacuum cleaner have multiple speeds? Years ago, my mom had an Electrolux, top of the line, no wheels, it was on sled runners. It had only one speed. I don’t recall mom ever complaining that it needed to suck slower.
Why do today’s appliances have multiple speeds?
“Damn this thing has too much power, it is sucking dirt way to fast. Maybe I should switch speeds and just suck slow!” Thought no one ever.
My electric razor has three speeds; low, medium and high. Why would anyone shave at low speed? Do people shave in low if they’re not in a hurry?
My water pick has three speeds, I guess if I don’t want to swish away all the debris from dinner, I can just pick away at level one.
My kitchen mixer has six settings; swish, grate, chop, mix, blend, and pulverize.
Guess which setting is the only one I ever use.
What is the “Gentle Cycle” on dish and clothes washers?
“I don’t want to hurt my dishes or dirty socks; I think I’ll wash them on the “Gentle” cycle?”
Not me, I want to hurt those dishes and dirty socks. Screw Gentle, turn the water flow to high, crank up the temperature and teach those clothes and dishes a lesson! Gentle? Ha, not me!
I do have to confess one thing though. This is a little embarrassing, but I suspect I am not the only one.
When I vacuum, shave, water pick, or mix, I always start off in low, then go to medium and finally I hit HIGH. There is just something satisfying knowing that I could vacuum, shave, pick or mix at low power, but damn it I’m shifting to HIGH! When the appliance hits high, my voice gets lower and I can feel chest hairs growing.
I am a man dammit, I like my coffee strong, my woman docile and my appliances set to HIGH!
Two out of three ain’t bad.
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